My New Career

Thanks to my “always thinkin” brother in law Trevor, I have found my calling. My sister forwarded me an email from him that linked to a website that has changed my life. I have decided to use this site as inspiration for some of my own writings. I am going to write about some eating adventures I will have. This is something I have enjoyed doing (eating and drinking strange and disgusting things) for a long time, it just never occurred to me to write about it.

Steve hasn’t actually written about any good ‘donteatits’ for a good while. Maybe he’s burned out. I plan to contact him and ask for his blessing. I would appreciate any letters of recommendation from people who have been around when I tried things that were truly ish.

I am looking for a partner in this venture. Someone with guts and nerves of steel and who is willing to try new things, even if, especially if they’re icky. Someone who might want to write about the experience afterwords. Steve lit the torch, now it’s my turn to take it and carry it for as long as I can stand. I’m all over it. Who’s in with me?

I would like to present my resume and qualifications for the position of the new don’t eat it guy. They are as follows:

  • I ate Cuy ( it up.
  • I tried all flavors of the Jones Turkey Dinner flavored pops, including gravy and brussel sprout.
  • Andy’s stepmom, Daniela always brings back salty licorice candies from hell, oops I mean from Amsterdam. One of my favorite pastimes (and I am not kidding. This is so fun) has been to get someone I love and each of us take turns trying from the sampler packs. There is nothing funnier to me than someone I love spitting black salty drool into the trash. Unless it’s the wounded look some get after mistakenly swallowing.
  • I ate squirrel jerky once, no twice.
  • I drank army worm wine (which tastes a lot like really bad grape wine, without the grapes).
  • I have eaten on more than one occasion, a dish called anticuchos, which is Peruvian. It is essentially marinated, skewered, grilled beef heart, eaten with a cilantro parsley sauce. Beef heart is pretty much like beef leg or beef rump. It tastes like moo. But the heart is much chewier and denser. Something like chicken gizzards, which I used to eat all the time, by the way.
  • My favorite part of the Turkey is the neck. I don’t know if this qualifies, but lots of people seem to get gaggy when I bring it up.

If I come up with new memories of things crude and scary, I will share them with you.


3 thoughts on “My New Career

  1. emily says:

    i will be very glad to read of your experiences, but i’m afraid i cannot be your grossout buddy. praise god, i don’t have the compulsion to eat icky things.

    i was at a rock shop recently and was enjoying the little basket of coprolites. it was only later that i realized i should have bought some for you. next time i’m out there i’ll get a few for your practical joking pleasure.

  2. Caleb says:

    May I ask where you got that beautiful Celtic Tree Art?

  3. Vincent says:

    Where did you find that beautiful Celtic Tree Art?

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