Clothing Optional. Not.

To understand this little story you have to know a few things.  First, you have to understand that Andy and I have different ideas about modesty and the necessity for it.  I don’t know if this is a typical dichotomy or not, since I’ve only had one husband.  Andy thinks people (specifically his wife) should be naked more.  I’m not all that comfortable with that proposition.  Truth be told, I look best dressed or  in the dark.

He’s comfortable getting into or out of his swimming trunks just about anywhere.  He doesn’t check the shades when he gets undressed at night.  I do chastise him. He takes after his old man in figuring that people who don’t like to see him naked should stop looking in his window.  In my humble opinion, this is just asking to be pegged as the neighborhood pervert.

Secondly, we have an exchange student from Kuwait.  He’s a very nice kid, or young man.  He’s 18.  In his pictures of his family, his mom is veiled.  She’s smiling and walking around with her kids, but her hair is covered and so is her body.  This is not uncommon in Islamic countries.  I assume he doesn’t see much nudity at home.  I’ve tried to make sure he’s comfortable, and not wander around in shorty pajamas or miniskirts.  I’ve reminded Bailey to not eat dinner in a bikini, you know…  Regular stuff.

When Abdullah left for his Ramadan meal and the heat index was cranking up, I decided maybe I’d go out (it’s dark) and take a skinny dip in the back yard hot-tub.  I couldn’t exactly work up the nerve, but I kinda felt like my new suit was pretty revealing anyway, so I was living on the edge.  Andy came out to keep me company.  He didn’t get in.

When the back yard motion light went out and I was almost ready to get out, I decided to get a little risque and take off my suit before I got out of the tub.  My towel was hanging right nearby.  It was a brilliant plan.  I talked myself into it.  My suit bottom has ties on the side, so it was easy enough to undo.  I scanned the area and looked to Andy for encouragement.  He said, “You’re fine. There’s not even anyone out here to see you.”

No sooner had I pulled the bottoms out of the water than I heard a voice coming from the alley.  The voice was speaking Arabic.  Zoinks!

Dammit! This is exACtly the reason I don’t have these adventures.  The MInute I got my suit off!  This meant Abdullah was about 7 seconds from being right next to my naked butt!  I cursed and fumbled with the bottoms.  Stupid string-ties! Andy said quietly, “Just don’t say anything, he’ll walk right by us.”  This may have been true.  But if he did notice us and wander over to chat, I didn’t want to be butt-naked and have him realize it a minute too late.

I’m not sure what would happen if he saw a half-naked woman, but I didn’t want to be the first.  I could ruin everything.  For all I know, he might turn to stone.  Then what would I tell his mother?  “I decided to get a little naked in the back yard and turned your son into a pillar of salt.”?

I ended up half tying the bottoms and speaking up when he was close to our location, so as not to startle him .  Our sidewalk goes right by the tub, and it’s possible to be within inches of someone and not realize it until you’re right next to them.  He jumped a little when I spoke up.  He chatted politely, averted his eyes (although I had bottoms on, I was still in a bikini) and went inside.  “See?” I hissed at Andy.  “It was not FINE!”

I looked down, my suit bottom was twisted at the crotch so the front half was right-side out and the back half was inside-out.  Andy thinks I would have been fine if I kept my mouth shut and my bottoms off.  I know better.


4 thoughts on “Clothing Optional. Not.

  1. Andy says:

    You didn’t mention that you where in the hot tub that is 4 feet tall and all he could see was from your upper chest up. You were fine. Would have gotten a bit awkward if he decided to walk into the gazebo.

  2. A swimsuit acts as a “diffuser” of sorts – so those “bubbles” that rise to the surface are not so noticeable!

  3. natecarlson says:

    Are you sure he’s not going to read this blog and be quadruply-embarrassed? 🙂

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